Summer Classes for Women

Summer Classes for Women at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
by Monday, August 15, 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.


Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
Meet s 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum.
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering To Take a List To The Store, Avoiding Separate Trips for Each Item Needed.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.




The previous post was sent in by an anonymous reader (My brother John)

Saturday

Some people have wondered why I haven't written lately. The simple answer is - I have had nothing to say.

So why do I write today? The obvious answer would be - I have something to say.

That is the obvious reason but not the correct reason. The reason I write today is because I need an excuse not to work in the yard. There is no decent sports on...Tiger missed the cut, NASCAR Sprint Cup is off this weekend, Paula Creamer is idle. The weather is perfect - 75 in July? So I need to write, so I can pretend I am too busy to trim the ivy and rake the lawn. I'd like to find the guy who planted my ivy and bust him one. The plant is a pain. Why am I raking the lawn in the summer? Because I went Edward Scissor Hands on my over grown shrubs and there are evergreen branches all over my front lawn. I like using my cordless hedge trimmers but I hate the mess I leave in my wake.

Would any bikini clad women like to clean up my mess?

Paula Creamer

People ask me why I write about Paula Creamer. There are a couple of reasons. One, she is the best American female golfer. Second, she is the hottest female golfer in the world. Of course that is my opinion, but my opinion is all that matters when it comes to picking article content.

Usually women don't like the fact I write about her all American good looks but they are very hard to ignore. Especially when she is wearing a short golf skirt or the dress (right) she wore to the Espys.

Tiger Woods may be the most watched golfer in the world but Paula Creamer makes men want to grip their shaft and stroke a few.

Tiger Woods will miss the cut

Tiger Woods in minus 5 after two rounds and the cut line is at minus four with players still on the links. ABC might as well show cartoons instead of the British Open this weekend if Tiger is gone.

To make matters worse there coverage of NASCAR doesn't start until next week. So it is very likely ABC will spend a weekend with out Woods or Dale Earnhardt Jr.

I can hear wives all over America making their honey do lists knowing their husbands have nothing to watch on television. Hell even the LPGA is off this weekend - so no Paula Creamer!

Eury Jr. out as crew chief for slumping Earnhardt

Dale Earnhardt Jr. will have a new crew chief starting with this weekend's race at Dover because of a slump that has dragged deep into the season.
Tony Eury Jr. was removed as crew chief of Earnhardt's No. 88 team Thursday. The two are cousins and have worked together during Earnhardt's entire career.


The Associated Press: Eury Jr. out as crew chief for slumping Earnhardt