Twas the Week before Christmas

'Twas the week before Christmas, when all through the state



My shopping was not yet done - boy am I late;



The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,



In hopes that St. Nicholas would fill my large pair;



With a few days to go the children were still in school,



They claimed a snow day but I was no fool;



And Mom making cookies, while I took a nap,



She wanted to buy them but I said that was some "crap",



When out on the lawn I heard a large noise,



It wasn't the bus it better not be the boys.



Away to the window I walked in a stupor,



It was the neighbors dog taking a pooper.



I grabbed my rifle and loaded a B-B



A shot burst out - I hit Fifi



When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,



My neighbor holding a leash and loaded with beer,



He was big and ugly and a little bit fat,



My next shot hit him square in the hat.



More rapid than eagles his curses they came,



And he whistled, and shouted, and called me a name;



I fired again and made him dance like a chicken !



It was funny the way his feet were a kickin"!



And then, in a twinkling, I yelled "had enough?'



"If you don't surrender it's going to get rough"


Another shot landed him flat on his back,


If he was a deer I would have a nice rack.



His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!



It was more than just beer he was filled with Sherry!



His fat little lips were drawn up like a bow,



And his head was planted deep in the snow;


He had a broad face and a little round belly,



That shook, when I shot him like a bowlful of jelly.


A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,



Soon led me to believe he wanted me dead;



I said "on my lawn your dog took a big poop"


"If you didn't want shot you should of brought a large scoop"




I pulled the trigger with a quick squeeze,



Nothing came out but a short breeze,


He put his lips together and gave a quick whistle,



And his poodle came flying like the down of a thistle.



He commanded a French dog the size of a shoe",


He must of forgot I own Boxers times two.


They were on Fifi in the blink of an eye

I was laughing so hard I started to cry


They tossed him and threw him like a rag doll

Home my neighbor started to crawl


I heard exclaim as he crept out of sight


"Happy Christmas to all, and to all I am done with this fight."