Serena Williams hates me

The tennis player Serena Williams hates me. It's the only explanation. Could it be because I compared the size of her butt to a davenport? Not a couch mind you but the city in Iowa. Whatever the reason, she is just getting vindictive.

Yesterday, for no apparent reason, she eliminated one of my favorite tennis players, Gisela Dulko of Argentina. Sure a lot of you may think it was because she wants to win the Australian Open but I know the real reason. She wants to torment me.

She hates that I go on and on about the beauty of players like Gisela while bemoaning the fact Serena is built like a Russian weight lifter. It's not my fault she and her sister remind me of huge sweaty men.

I think Miss Williams should do the right thing, like her sister, and be eliminated from the tournament by a lesser player so we can get on to the serious business of watching players like Dulko run around in short tennis skirts.