Where have I been lately?
I have been asked this question several times over the last weeks. I can now tell you. If it is daytime, I have been asleep and if it is night time, I have been awake.
Pretty simple really. Unfortunately the pattern is not by choice. The new sleep routine is being dictated by the fact I will be 49 in two weeks and my body is telling me to stop treating it like a garbage disposal.
STOP EATING THE THINGS YOU LOVE!!!
I hear my stomach scream these very words every night as I lay awake with a burning sensation on my throat. At first it was discomfort - now it is agony. If you have never suffered from acid reflux you have no idea how much it can hurt. I would rank it slightly ahead of the time I had three teeth pulled, including a wisdom tooth, on the same day.
But that is not the big problem. The big problem is trying to fall asleep knowing at some point in the night you will awake with unbearable pain. To give you an idea - try falling asleep in the waiting room when you are going to have an organ removed with no sedative. Then you will understand!
It is the fear of the pain that causes me to lose the most sleep. The pain lasts an hour, sometimes a little more. The fear never goes away. The only time I sleep is when I nod off from exhaustion. Then I literally dream of having acid reflux. Of course by dream, I mean nightmares. Fun time!
But there is help. I can change my eating habits to alleviate the pain. That shouldn't be hard. I have only been eating this way for a little over 48 years.
I even have a list of things I shouldn't eat.
Meats. Ground beef, marbled sirloin, chicken nugget-style, and chicken/buffalo wings.
Fats, Oils & Sweets. Chocolate, regular corn and potato chips, high-fat butter cookies, brownies, doughnuts, creamy and oily salad dressings, fried or fatty food in general.
Fruits, Vegetables & Juice. Orange juice, lemon, lemonade, grapefruit juice, cranberry juice, tomato, mashed potatoes, French fries, raw onion, potato salad.
Other Beverages. Liquor, wine, coffee, and tea.
Grains. Macaroni and cheese, spaghetti with marinara sauce.
Dairy. Sour cream, milk shake, ice cream, regular cottage cheese.
I am supposed to give up buffalo wings and coffee? That is not good news.
I look at this list and a thought pops to mind; at least my revolver is not on the list!
So next time I am up with a burning sensation in my throat so horrible i would rather have my kidney removed without even an aspirin, I will know what snack will sooth my throat.
A Winchester .32-20.
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