Roddick loses to Roger Federer at the Australian Open. American tennis star Andy Roddick can't seem to beat Roger Federer. The thing Andy needs to realize, very few people have ever beaten Roger Federer and none of them are engaged to marry Brooklyn Decker.
So at the end of the day Roddick loses a tennis match and he goes home with fashion model Brooklyn Decker. Not exactly the worst deal I have ever seen.
I bet there are a lot of men on the tennis tour who would take that deal!
My wife went to the store last night and bought ice cream and toppings to make sundaes. I just want everyone to know; I am not putting something called "nut topping" on anything I eat.
I have a squirrel living in my back yard that warms his nuts on our dryer vent every time it snows.
I congratulate Serena Williams for playing the Australian Open so well with commentator Pam Shriver's lips securely stuck to her over sized butt.
My friend, who can't talk on a phone while he eats hash browns, called me to disagree. I ordered him a pizza and he said he would call me back later.
When will the LPGA realize no one wants to see ugly chicks play on TV?
Does Joe Francis ever look at Hugh Hefner and Larry Flint and think, "Rich or not, I am going to be a creepy old man someday"?
In a fair fight, between Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie, I don't care who would win, I just want to watch.
I watch repeats of the 70's Show and realize I am no longer Steven Hyde. I am now Red Foreman. But that's OK because Hyde and his friends are dumb-asses.
If the government looks closely at my life I should be eligible for a disaster loan.
I notice if I put pictures of hot tennis chicks on my blog posts I get more hits.
Serena Williams beat Elena Dementieva in straight sets last night to advance to the finals of The Australian Open. In beating Dementieva she eliminated the only good looking player left in the tournament.
Serena will play Dinara Safina for the title. It's not that Dinara is ugly but she does have a striking resemblance to a bull dog I once owned.
It was reported that the big haired governor of Illinois was thinking about putting Oprah in the U.S. Senate. I think that is a great idea. I think anything that gets her Immenseness off of my TV is a great idea. Besides he was the one that was trying to charge for the seat and that large chocolate lady is loaded. He could of charged her a billion dollars and then bailed out a few companies. It might of saved him from impeachment.It's funny how voters forget your indiscretions when you save their jobs.
So instead I am still stuck with seeing her when I channel surf during the afternoon.
Couldn't they invent a V-Chip that censures big bags of wind?
Serena Williams was saved by a roof in Australia. The chunky American star was getting run all over the court in the sweltering heat down under by a homely Russian looking player. Then came the save.
In some kind of math equation determination the Australian Open officials decided to close the roof and turn on the air conditioning. This not only made it easier to play for the over weight Serena but it also provided her huge behind with a 27 minute break.
She then took control of the match and won in three sets.
Williams will now play our favorite (left in the tournament)Elena Dementieva, the only remaining blonde hottie who beat Navarro in straight sets 6-2, 6-2 with an open roof. Obviously part of the equation is body mass percentage of the players.
Dementieva dominated the match from the outset as she hammered out ten aces and won 79 percent of her first serves that she put in play. Demenetieva had no problems handling the serve of Navarro as she broke the Spaniard on four of five occasions while never having her serve broke.
Australian Open 2009 Quarterfinals Results: Elena Dementieva
Elena Dementieva is my new pick to win the Australian Open. I could tell you it is because of her powerful ground strokes or her devastating backhand. I could mention her foot speed or I could tell the truth. She is the best looking woman left in the tournament as I write this.
The secret to life is of course unknown. There is a very good reason it isn't known.
Because there is no secret.
You are born, you learn to walk, you learn to run, go to school, go to work, then you die.
If during some of those things you learn to laugh, you don't have a secret, just a better life. Laughing isn't hard for me. I really never saw the use of crying and in these hard economic times if you can't cry you must surely laugh. If you don't, you won't live a longer life, it will just seem like it.
I am not complaining. I have a good life. Has it been better other years? I am not sure. We have had more money and the ability to acquire more material possessions. Does that make it better?
A couple of years ago my wife was making three times the money she makes now. Were we happy? Yes we were but we also had worries. We had a son struggling to make up a year of school, he lost, when his school was blown away in hurricane Francis. At the same time our oldest was in the U.S. Marines. We were proud but also scared to answer the phone when he called. We were terrified he would be sent into combat.
Right now we may apprehensive about phone calls because of over due bills but I'll take them all day instead of a call telling me my son is going to war.
Our second oldest made up his year of school and graduated on time. Our oldest served the U.S. Marines by defending Delaware. We are equally proud of both of them and their two youngest brothers. This year they all live at home. Some people may see that has a bad thing. Their mother and I are glad to have them close.
It is a lot easier to laugh when your children are home. The bills are piling up. Money is less plentiful then it has been in the past. Steak may be for dinner less frequently. T.J. is not getting shot. Christopher has a diploma. John will graduate this year. James piles up A's like firewood. Tonight they all will be safe and warm in their own beds.
It may not be a million dollars but it makes me laugh when I think of the alternatives.
My dearest friend in the whole world worries he doesn't have the money to pay his bills, past December. I luckily don't have that worry. I am absolutely certain we don't. In fact, after I pay the gas bill and the electric bill today, I am not sure we have the money to pay the phone bill. Should that make me worry?
Yes it should but I can't. If I start to worry about the phone bill, then next will be the mortgage and then the car payment and then worry will turn to tears and I have never saw the use in crying.
So this year we have less money but no less laughter.
It's not the secret to life but it makes years like this go by faster.
I have heard pictures are worth a thousand words. I don't know if it is true but I know they are worth their weight in website hits. I know this because I can write a blog worthy of a Pulitzer Prize and I get a handful of hits but if I post a picture of Brooklyn Decker or Ana Ivanovic and ClubHusband's page counter lights up like a pinball machine.
Could it be because my visitors are illiterate? No way, anyone smarter enough to read me must obviously be able to read. Could it be because my readers like pictures of hot tennis players like Ashley Harkleroad, better than they like the merits of mowing a lawn in a north, south pattern versus east, west? My guess would be yes.
Imagine that? Men and some women, would rather look at taut young athletic bodies than reading about short green plants that masquerade as my lawn.
I could say I don't understand it but I am also one of those people. It is so much easier to look at Maria Sharapova than it is to follow my drivel before a third cup of morning coffee. Maria has long legs and blonde hair which make her easy on the eyes. My pontifications take some thinking to be appreciated even by me and I write this literary litter.
So I post pictures and hope while you are here, you will take the time to read my utterly fascinating posts on fire pit building or prime rib cooking, before you surf away in search of more Playboy pictures of Ashley Harkleroad or candid shots of Andy Roddick's girlfriend, Brooklyn Decker.
My posts may not have long legs and blonde hair but after four cups of coffee you may find them amusing.
I know I do.
Caroline Wozniacki is the latest beauty to lose at the Australian Open. The delicious Dane was beaten by Jelena Dokic in three tough sets.
The Australian Open is becoming a nightmare for the glamour girls of tennis and we are poorer for it. If this keeps up we are going to be watching a final between Serena Williams and an over muscled teenager from Russia.
The tennis player Serena Williams hates me. It's the only explanation. Could it be because I compared the size of her butt to a davenport? Not a couch mind you but the city in Iowa. Whatever the reason, she is just getting vindictive.
Yesterday, for no apparent reason, she eliminated one of my favorite tennis players, Gisela Dulko of Argentina. Sure a lot of you may think it was because she wants to win the Australian Open but I know the real reason. She wants to torment me.
President Lydon Johnson once said of, then Minority leader of the House, Gerald Ford, "he can't walk and chew gum at the same time." If you think that is bad, I have a friend who can not talk on the phone and eat a McDonald's Hash Brown at the same time. To make it even worse, we are not talking handset coordination here, we are talking speaker phone.
Compared to my friend, Mr. Ford was a multitask master.
How my friend drives a car and smokes is beyond me. He must work the gas pedal and brakes between puffs. To him, watching television and sitting on a couch must be like one of us doing brain surgery while snow shoveling a sidewalk.
My Cockatoo is better at multitasking!
At least he can eat an almond, hanging upside down, while he talks and he doesn't even own a speakerphone.
The part I find amusing is, my friend thinks nothing of asking me to look something up on the computer while I talk on a telephone without a speaker. Then, when I find what he is interested in, he has to get off the phone to read the web page because he can't read while on the phone. Can you imagine if all people were this solo functional?
MySpace and Ebay would cease to exist. All those telemarketers and cubicle dwellers of the business world would not be able to chat or bid because they are on the phone. "Sorry Sir, I would like to take your order for 1000 widgets but the listing for the lamp I want is about to expire and I have to hangup the phone and bid".
U.S. productivity would rank somewhere between the darkest reaches of Africa and the jungles of the Amazon basin.
Last night on American Idol, a rejected contestant, departed the room by saying "be careful" to the judges. The judges, in their infinite wisdom, immediately took this as a threat. Paula Abdul even went as far as to scold the man for saying it. "You don't say that to people", she told him, like he was one of her talentless backup dancers. My question is, are they stupid or do they just play idiots on TV?
"Be careful" in many parts of our vast country is akin to saying, "drive safely" or "take it easy'. These are not meant to be threats. This may be hard for Hollywood types to believe but they are the same as saying, 'have a nice day". Sure it may not be as catchy as, Seacrest Out" or as Simon likes to say, "be off with you" but we tend to not be flashy or in Simon's case, rude, when we bid a fellow human goodbye.
So Idol judges, next time you wander too far from the coastlines and into the heartland of America, you may want to review a list of local colloquelisms.
If not you risk hearing another rural saying, "you people couldn't pour pee out of a boot if the directions were written on the sole".
There was no shortage of confidence as fifth seed Ivanovic swept past Alberta Brianti of Italy in a manner that suggested she can finally turn around the form slump that has dogged her since she won last year's French Open.
The Melbourne Park crowd favourite thrashed Brianti 6-3, 6-2, moving closer to her accompplishing mission to make amends for losing last year's final to Maria Sharapova.
The 21-year-old was encouraged as her booming forehand finally found some its old potency and she blasted five aces past Brianti.
"This year, I really think I can still improve and build up on my game, hopefully take a step further,"
AFP: Jankovic hangs tough at Aussie Open tennis, Ivanovic glides through
Barack Obama has been President for one day and he has not fixed the economy yet!
What has he been doing?
From what I saw on TV he has mostly been dancing. He must think this job is one big party broken up by small parties. he needs to get his nose to the grindstone and fix our economic house before the end of the week.
If he doesn't you will start to hear more than just me complain. I am sure Fox News has their Obama alarms set to criticize when more than seven days go by and we are still at war, still in a recession and still in the midst of Winter.
I'll be surprised if he isn't brought up on charges in Kelly's Court.
Megyn Kelly of Kelly's Court
A heat wave has swept over the south. We are almost at 30 degrees!
With blistering weather like this, the pool cannot be far behind. Nothing like a leisurely dip in 40 degree water to get the major organs to shut down, providing more blood to the brain. With that much blood to the brain the posts will crisp and concise not lengthy and meandering as usual. Also without the major organs functioning there will be no need for inconvenient trips to the rest room.
It's a win-win for everyone!
After failing to secure financing from creditors and lenders, bankrupt electronics vendor Circuit City Stores Inc. said Friday that it will liquidate, joining the list of retailers like Linens 'n Things that are closing up shop due to the economic downturn.
Circuit City to liquidate, adding to U.S. job losses - MarketWatch
Brass Monkeys and stuff.
It was zero when I went out this morning. I have been colder but not since I was in a walk in freezer. It was so cold I saw a squirrel warming his nuts on my exhaust pipe. It was so cold even well diggers were inside. I saw a witch with a battery powered bra heater. It was literally colder than Alaska this morning in Kentucky!
It was cold!
In case you have forgotten, or you are looking for wife pictures and couldn't help reading my scintillating prose, I like warm weather. I like weather, where women wear very little and drinks are served with umbrellas, by the previously mentioned women. I like lounge chairs next to tropical pools instead of mine - which are froze to the lawn right now.
I am longing for the lazy, hot days of summer.
Mostly so I can complain about the heat!
A few minutes ago I checked my numbers on my Powerball ticket and found out I won. At that moment I said to myself, no more writing in my blog! I will now hire a long legged secretary and dictate my musings to her. She can type it up, post it and I will be free to enjoy my new found life of luxury.
I will miss all the good Super Bowl commercials because I will be at the game with 50 of my closest friends. I may even hire our own cheer leaders to keep us pumped up during media time outs.The wives won't care. They will be in Jamaica working on tans so when we fly down there after the game they will be all bronze and oily. Sure they could go the spray on route and go to the game but it would make the cheer leader thing almost impossible to pull off.
I will buy tickets to every NASCAR race this season. I will stay at the best hotels located closest to the track. Three hundred a night? I can now afford it! Garage passes? Of course! Invite friends? You bet! I may even talk to Junior about becoming the driver of the ClubHusband.com car.
What will I do between races? I of course will be interviewing and photographing models for our new ClubHusband.com wife of the month. Why will I personally photograph the models but not personally post the blog? Think about it!
Can you imagine? Only in American can I guy spend a buck on a lottery ticket and become a multimillionaire.
The lottery prize was 142 million and change. I figure my payout after taxes would be about 40 million. Half of the 142 minus taxes. Not bad!
So why am I writing this instead of Erica, the long legged Swedish assistant?
A funny thing - if you match half the numbers you don't get half the prize.
Does anyone know where I can buy a life of luxury for seven dollars?
American Idol Update;
Kara Dioguardi did not take my advice and wear a bikini. The show was mostly forgetable. No blind guys, no bikinis, just some good singers and the usual wackos.
The Celtics defeated New Jersey last night and perhaps has beaten back the curse of the Christmas tie.
It is the third win in a row for the men in green.
Katrina Darell, the girl who sang in a bikini on American Idol last night, brought out the bad side of new judge Kara DioGuardi. Kara may have thought jumping up and out singing the bikini clad brunette was the thing to do but she was woefully mistaken.
Miss DioGuardi you are not going to win that contest with a woman half your age, let alone one wearing almost nothing. Idol is not a singing competition. It is a popularity contest and you should of kept your trap shut and tipped your hat to Katrina, who obviously figured that one out.
The only thing that saved Kara from total humiliation was the actions of fellow judge Paula Abdul. Paula, like a dog who sees another being petted, couldn't help but throw herself into the fray. As Kara hit the high notes and all the men noticed Katrina Darell's amble low note, Paula wagged her finger and made it look like two old hens who just realized a young chick has the attention of the roosters.
I, for one, liked Katrina's outfit and hope the ratings dictate that all beautiful brunettes be clad in tiny bikinis. Maybe Paula and Kara will fight back with a little skin to win attitude of their own.
Kara DioGuardi may be twice Katrina Darell's age but I still wouldn't mind a peek at her in poolside attire.
It was 19 degrees when I went outside this morning. 13 degrees with wind chill. This is not the weather I like. The weather I like involves tan bodies and bikinis. Although, I must say, after my two years in Florida I realize some tan bodies look better than others in bikinis.
Have you ever seen vacation brochures for Florida? Those girls aren't every where. They seem to be only in photo studios where pictures are taken for brochures. Most of the tan bodies I saw were of my neighbors and not one of them was less than 70 years old and 220 pounds.
You haven't lived until you walk out, to check your mail and your three hundred pound, seventy year old neighbor, is weed whacking his yard in shorts and without a shirt.
Grey hair really stands out on a real tan chest. I know this because his wife would be out there too!
American Idol's 2009 season starts tonight. There will be four judges, two women and two men. If ties don't go through to Hollywood, I would expect there to be 6 or 7 contestants left when they get to Los Angeles. I read some where that a woman sings in a bikini tonight and the votes are split by gender. What a surprise!
Expect Simon to be grumpy, Randy to say, "What's Up Dawg" and Paula to be an idiot. The new judge? Who knows? maybe she will be a combination of all three.
For the second night in a row the Boston Celtic beat the Toronto Raptors. The tie curse may be almost over....lets hope!
It's Monday morning - almost afternoon.
My weekend was uneventful. I made meat sauce yesterday. It was probably the greatest meat sauce ever ladled onto pasta but I don't want to brag. It was made with ground beef, Italian sausage and various spices and a few vegetables. If you want the recipe feel free to ask. I won't give it to you but still, really, feel free to ask.
Saturday I watched the West Virginia Mountaineers lose a basketball game to the Marquette Warriors. It was a good game till WVU's star forward, Butler, got into foul trouble. Then it got a little one sided.
I also watched football but I really don't care who wins out of the teams that are left so that was like kissing a sister.
My life used to be interesting now its a boring succession of weekends spent doing nothing, broke up by weekdays telling people about it.
Sometimes I think I will spend a Saturday drowning myself just so I have something fun to write about on Monday.
The Boston Celtics beat Toronta yesterday in defiance of the lost neck tie curse. The Celtics are now 3 - 7 since Christmas. They were 27 - 2 before my Christmas Celtic tie was lost.
Since my Celtic tie was lost on Christmas, Boston is 2- 7, after losing to Cleveland last night. Before Christmas the Celtics were 27-2
I have heard it over and over again, Tim Tebow and Patrick White will not be NFL quarterbacks. It has got to be true, the experts are never wrong.
Are they?
Tebow has an average arm but the ability to run the ball like a fullback. Pat White has a good arm and lightning in his legs but he isn't big enough to play NFL football.
What no one disputes is, White and Tebow are leaders. When they walk on a football field their teams run faster, hit harder and play the game better. The Florida Gators and the West Virginia Mountaineers believe they can not be beat if their leader is behind center.
They both have the intangible gift. It can't be taught. It can't be measured. It can't even be seen.
It can be felt.
Dan Marino was the sixth quarterback taken in his draft. It was said, he couldn't throw accurate and he was too slow. He made bad decisions leading to a bundle of interceptions his senior year at Pittsburgh.
No one ever said he wasn't a leader.
Joe Montana was drafted in the third round. 81 players went before him in his draft. It was said, he had no arm. He was too small.
No one ever said "Joe Cool" wasn't a leader.
This year for White, and this year or next for Tebow, a team will ignore what the experts say and draft them.
Who ever does it will get the last laugh. Patrick White and Tim Tebow are habitual winners.
Tebow may have the passing accuracy of Marino. White may have the arm and size of Montana.
They also having something else - their ability to inspire teams to follow them to goal line after goal line.
You can't teach it. You can't measure it. You can't see it.
But when you feel it, you better draft it.
If you don't believe me just ask the teams who listened to the experts in 1979 and 1983.
Last night on Top Chef, the new judge, Toby Young, who by the way fulfils the reality contest requirement of having a harsh British judge, told Melissa,
The problem with her fish taco was it had a strong unpleasant smell.
Like Simon Cowell, Toby Young may seem unlikable but with critique like that he might grow on us.
Update on the Curse of my lost Christmas Boston Celtic neck tie.
Before it was lost Celtics won 27 and lost 2
Since the Celtic tie was lost Celtics have won 2 and lost 6
Houston beat them last night after they only scored 11 in the fourth quarter.
Life shouldn't be so hard. Making mortgages, making car payments, making utility bills shouldn't be so hard. A job shouldn't be something you search for. It should be something you find.
A job should come with a fair pay, afordable, logical health insurance for you and your family, a few sick days, vacation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too much to ask, for everyone wanting to work, to have a place to work?
Is it too much to ask that employers pay a fair wage?
A wage equal to work expected.
A wage that makes a house, a car, electricity attainable.
Boston loses to Bobcats last night.
27-2 before the tie curse
2-5 after tie curse
It's 35 degrees and raining. Two days ago it was 68 and sunny. Is it Spring or Winter? I wish Mother Nature would make up her mind. I have a new WVU jacket I want to wear and I also have a new Earnhardt sweatshirt. I am getting tired of trying to guess which one I should wear.
I tried wearing the West Virginia jacket and I roasted my chestnuts. The next day I wore the Dale Jr sweatshirt and I froze my garbanzo beans.
It's getting ridiculous and it is making me miss my time in Florida. Not the hurricane time - the regular times.
The times when it was warm enough to use the pool in January. The times I didn't need gloves to wheel the trash to the road. The times my beans weren't frosted.
Those were good times.
It's too bad my house blew away in 2004 and it ended up in Kentucky. The Bluegrass state is nice but the weather is driving me nuts!
Did anyone watch the new dancing show? I missed it due to watching the Ohio State - Texas game like a man should.
I was just wondering how the Kung Fu monks did? I was kinda hoping they would get a bad score and start Kung Fuing the judges and maybe another dance team or two.
The Celtics were 27-2 before my Celtic neck tie was lost on Christmas. Since the tie was lost they are 2-4. Coincidence? I think not!
The kids are back to school and I am back to work.
It was a good two weeks for you and me. It was good for me because I didn't have to write and it was good for you because you didn't have to read. Now we both have to get back to our daily jobs.
I will again dazzle and amuse you with my literary genius and all you are expected to do is read it, then lean back and laugh until everyone in the office is logging in to see what makes coffee exit through your nose.
A safety tip; Always remember let the coffee flow. If you inhale or attempt to impede the stream you may drown. A price many are willing to pay to read my scintillating syntax but still very unnessescary in this age of medical discovery.
